When a woman wants to tell you something of absolute importance, she will choose words which emphasize that it is critical to her that you to understand what she is saying. Sadly, the two most common words she uses for the sake of arguing make you roll your eyes and tune her out: “Always” and “Never.”

By using “never” and “always” to get her point across, a woman may not even realize that she has put your conversation in jeopardy. You might stop listening to what she has to say because despite the importance of her argument, saying that you “Always take your mother’s side” or that you “Never want to be with her friends” is simply untrue. There are times when you stand up to your mother and agree with her instead, and there have been instances when you’ve let yourself get dragged to a chick flick with her gal pals.

When you feel as if you are standing accused and she has no evidence to support her claims, your only option is to think she is being ridiculous and let your mind go someplace else – someplace safe and happy…where a remote control may be involved.

She will notice your lack of interest and become even more upset. Her word emphasis should have told you that this conversation was important. If only she knew that your willingness to listen stopped when she started overgeneralizing. She may have chosen her words more carefully, and you would still be looking at her while she speaks.

You want to be a good listener because it makes her happy. You want her to be reasonable because it makes you happy. With a slight adjustment in the way you both communicate, you can both have what you want. Here’s how:

When your woman uses “always” what she is really saying is this behavior or this event happens too much. If she tells you that you are “always” coming home late from work, it means that you have arrived late too many times. Consider whether you can do less of that.

“Never” has an opposite meaning of not enough. If you “never” take her dancing, what she really means is you do not take her dancing enough. She would like to go dancing with you.

“Always” and “Never” are words that women use to express urgency. Unless you do or do not do something all the time, it can help if you make the translation while she is talking to you. You won’t be as quick to turn your head, and she will appreciate that you listened.

Avatar (2009)

Rated: PG-13
Length: 162 minutes
Director: James Cameron

Cast: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Michelle Rodriguez, Giovanni Ribisi, Joel Moore, More.

I’d like to start this review by saying that I went into Avatar with very low expectations. I expected it to be the next Waterworld — a box office disaster of epic proportions. As with most films, I tried to avoid previews and scenes of the film as much as I could, but the glimpses that I did see underwhelmed me. I didn’t like the blue aliens. I felt that they were too human in their appearance. Anyway, long story short, I thought the movie was going to suck.

I have to say that I couldn’t have been more wrong. I really enjoyed the film.

There are a number of things that I like about Avatar. First, is that it’s visually stunning. James Cameron and his animators did an amazing job creating gorgeous environments and some of the best CG-animated characters ever. The emotional expression in the characters as well as their interactions with each other are -very- impressive! (A huge shout out to Zoe Saldana, by the way; what she managed to pull off with her character was phenomenal.)

Second, yes, the story is predictable. I realize a lot of people have this critique and I have to agree. We all know the story of the Native Americans and we understand its application to a Sci-Fi/alien environment. That said; I still genuinely feel that the message and journey was worth it. I hope people take the message of the film to heart.

Another complaint that some people have is that the movie is too long, but I really feel like the film needed to be that long. We needed all that character development to create the sympathy and emotional attachment to the characters so that we can understand their nature/philosophy, believe their love, share their pain, and root them on. And Cameron was able to get me to do all of these things.

I only have two complaints about the film. The first is Sam Worthington. Sam, please find a vocal coach. Your American accent is horrendous and you pop in and out of it constantly. It annoyed and distracted me in Terminator: Salvation, but it was even worse in Avatar. It’s shameful. Get it together; you’re getting paid a lot of money.

My second complaint is less a complaint about Avatar and more about the industry in general at the moment. Enough with all the 3D stuff! I really can’t wait for this fad to be over. I find it all irritating and find that it detracts from the visuals more than it provides. So, I’d recommend seeing Avatar normally, rather than in 3D, preferably in IMAX.

Decide whether undermining behavior is affecting your relationship by reading this information comes from the book Crazy Love Dealing with your Partner’s Problem Personality by Drs. W. Brad Johnson and Kelly Murray.

Ask yourself if your partner routinely does the following:

1. Passively refuses to fulfill routine job and social tasks.
2. Complains of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others.
3. Often sullen and argumentative.
4. Seems unreasonably angry and critical of authority figures.
5. Often envious and resentful toward those more fortunate or successful.
6. Exaggerates and complains about her own misfortune.
7. Alternates between passive compliance and hostile defiance.
8. Begins to undermine your happiness and success.

“If you find yourself getting more and more angry at someone you are dating even though she doesn’t ever do anything really aggressive, or if you find your own previously good self-esteem starting to decline as a result of a partner’s negative comments and subtle criticism,” you may be involved with an undermining partner.

“Be aware of toxic partnerships, they can slowly erode your confidence and happiness,” the doctors say, “Worst of all, you may end up feeling that all the problems with the relationship are yours.”

The undermining personality tends to hold strong negative attitudes about many things, especially authority figures. This person passively resists requests and demands and is rarely directly aggressive or hostile.

On the surface, the passive-aggressive type seems agreeable, but she obstructs success and constantly seems to forget or make mistakes that begin to reveal themselves as deliberate.

The undermining personality is “a genuine saboteur in relationships” that can disparage and devalue the success and achievements of everyone around her. Is your partner perpetually competitive and antagonistic toward others who do well? If so, more and more of your interactions with this personality type will be negative “and characterized by you yourself becoming quite angry,” according to Crazy Love.

It is possible for you to understand a passive-aggressive partner and stop vacillating between confusion, anger and self-doubt caused by interactions with this person. If it is not too late and you still have the motivation to change things for your relationship, you can learn to stop struggling with your sanity – and your partner’s problem, too.

You need to first see your partner’s behavior for what it is in order to have hope for success in your relationship. Recognize when your partner is becoming sullen or resists your requests through intentional failure, and view the resulting behaviors as you would a young child that is stomping their feet. “By using such a lens to view your partner’s shenanigans, they might appear ridiculous and sadly pathetic versus enraging or somehow designed just to make your life miserable,” Crazy Love says. This will help you to maintain emotional distance and avoid putting yourself down or taking the blame all the time.

Make your rock-bottom, nonnegotiable list of expectations clear and hold your partner accountable to honor them. Refuse to validate anger and resentment at authority figures, “Don’t concur that colleagues who are more fortunate or successful must have had special assistance or privilege. Keep in mind your partner will see others through a jaundiced lens of a child still seething at adults for squelching autonomy or making unreasonable demands.”

“By firmly, yet kindly, not feeding into your partner’s accusations and anger you will be modeling and setting appropriate and healthy limits,” according to the book.

And finally, you should know when it is time to leave your undermining partner, “Awareness that the time has come may arrive gradually, with increasing loneliness and declining self-esteem, or it may appear suddenly – such as when a partner says or does something especially demeaning or humiliating to you in public.”

Crazy Love depicts that this quietly and subtly undermining person will suck the happiness out of your relationship by sabotaging you at every turn and then adopting a wide-eyed victim stance anytime you try to confront the behavior. If you don’t have the thick skin and strong confidence it takes to be firm with this type of personality, you may want to seek something healthier, because “…living with a passive-aggressive personality can wreak havoc on your self-esteem; you can do better – much better.”

Big Fish

Rated: PG-13
Length: 125 minutes
Director: Tim Burton

Cast: Ewan McGregor, Albert Finney, Billy Crudup, Jessica Lange,
Alison Lohman, Helena Bonham Carter, Steve Buscemi, Danny DeVito, More.

As with every other movie, I try to know as little as possible about a film when I go to see it. This was definitely the case with Big Fish; I had little-to-no idea what the film was about. By some twist of fate for which I will forever be grateful, I saw this movie with my family and I sat next to my father. I don’t know that I have ever appreciated my father as much as I did during and after Big Fish. The love I have for my dad is unbelievable and this movie made me feel it. It was everything I could do not to cry. And when the movie was over all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him how much I cared…but I knew that I would end up bawling, which is something that I wasn’t prepared to do in the theater…for both of our sakes. All I could manage to do was, before we stood up, I reached over and give his knee a pat and a quick squeeze. Even that simple gesture meant to much to me that my tears nearly gave way. As we walked down the hall toward the exit, my family spoke of how much they enjoyed the film. I just remained silent with my feeling. I don’t really like Tim Burton films. His dark, moody films never really do anything for me. None of them grab me. Big Fish did. It caught me and I don’t know that it will ever let go. One day my father will pass away and when he does, I will watch Big Fish again and cry the tears that I would not let fall in the theater all those many years before.

Do women experience performance anxiety? The truth is, they do and there are many reasons why sex can be uncomfortable – reasons even they may not understand initially.

According to Dr. Denise Silbert from the Sexuality Clinic of San Diego, major factors that can impede a woman’s ability to be sexually confident are not all that mysterious.

“Sense of self has everything to do with anxiety,” says Dr. Silbert, a board certified sexologist and licensed psychologist that focuses on all problems that interfere with libido, sexual desire, arousal and orgasm as well as sexual addiction and sexual pain syndromes, “Anxiety for women comes from them not understanding their own bodies.”

Silbert believes men understand their own bodies. They experience touch, pleasure and orgasm through regular masturbation. Most men have spent years getting to know how they like to be touched and what will sexually arouse them – probably without realizing how fortunate it is to have developed intimate self-awareness.

“So many women don’t have orgasms,” she says, “Women don’t stay focused on the feeling of feeling good, that’s why they’re not having orgasms. Some women have them secondarily, but not all the time. They go through years of not enjoying [sex] until they think they’re going to lose their marriage.”

Can a woman that experiences sexual anxiety just talk things over with her partner? Some women can, but others may not find it easy to, “How many mothers are talking to their daughters about orgasm?” Dr. Silbert asks, “We grow up in a society where we think everybody is talking about sex, but they’re not. When it comes to an intimate relationship, a lot of [women] can’t talk about sex and/or grew up in a society and family that doesn’t talk about it.”

What happens instead is that women talk to themselves in their heads. Messages play in their minds during sex, “I hope he’s getting off. I hope he’s happy. I wonder what he’s doing now. Man, I have a whole list of things to do…” not necessarily going for sex for pleasure’s sake, but to be liked. “We’re not teaching women about the pleasures of sex that can come with it, which are important.”

Women that tend to be “pleasers” will go so far as to have painful intercourse and not even mention something is bothering them, “A lot of things can cause the unusual experience of pain. Anxiety makes the pain worse – her musculature tightens up,” Dr. Silbert says, “It’s like touching a hot stove. You learn “That’s a hot stove!”" and then sex is not associated with being pleasurable.

How can you help your partner if she is hesitant or unable to have sex with you? First, she has to be ready and comfortable to discuss the subject with you. Next, she must be willing to understand what causes her fear in bed, so that she will be able to believe that she can love passionate intimacy. Open, honest communication and education will help her to get there.

“You need to be able to talk about this,” Dr. Silbert says, “Ask “What are your worst fears about all this?”" for a start.

Women and men, oftentimes, professionally have a sense of self and confidence, “But they come home and fall apart and start feeling conscious of their actions. There’s something about that intimacy, that vulnerability…” that causes people to clam up.

Learn to desensitize the subject of sex between you. Don’t be afraid to ask a woman if she is having an orgasm. Let it be okay to talk about what kind of touching feels good.

“Say “I really like you. I care about you. I think we can work through this,”" says Dr. Silbert. She states that the hard truth is, if the woman is uncomfortable with her sexuality, a man must really be willing to learn about talking and communicating with her.

Start talking to women about their bodies. They all look different; however, it is important for a woman to be comfortable with body image! “The whole world doesn’t revolve around the penis and the vagina,” Dr. Silbert says, “If women would learn more about their own bodies, their anxiety would decrease.”

To learn more about female sexual anxiety or to receive sexual advice by phone, visit Dr. Denise Silbert’s website or call (858) 483-1430.

xkcd by Randall Munroe

When a lady has plans to cook something special for your date, she is demonstrating that you are important to her. You can safely believe that she hopes to be important to you as well.

Like you, a woman enjoys being appreciated, but she is not likely to say that. If she had to lure your feelings out of you, she would question whether they are genuine.

With a thoughtful word, gesture or token of appreciation before things get underway, you can contribute to the evening’s positive tone. Sure, it is still customary to give thanks when a meal is over, but you have an opportunity to eliminate what could be hours of guess work going on in her mind. Assure her that putting a meal together was a good idea – that her time and effort matters to you.

You know what it feels like when someone enjoys what you have done. A little appreciation goes a long, long way. If words don’t come easily for you, then bring a handful of flowers for your date. Roses are in abundance through February. They come in a great variety of colors and are a perfect accent for her dining table.

Not into flowers? You can bring a bottle of wine or a couple of votive candles. It truly is the thought that counts, so think about the gift for your hostess and make it meaningful. Does she collect frogs? Bring her a tiny figurine that can sit by her drink. Is she into live music? A concert on CD to listen to while you eat could work out well, as would a pint of ice cream for you to share later.

However you choose to show it, your appreciation will make cooking for you worth her while. You will have cemented your reputation as a thoughtful guest, which can determine future invitations.

Parenting is a job from which you never get time off. Even when your kids are grown, you are still their parents and they still hold you in that regard. Being the father of a teenager is especially challenging because it seems today’s issues are more critical than worries about acne, clothing, and what they are going to do after graduation. Kids have a lot to face, and Dad has to help them by separating the “small stuff” (that is not worth getting angry over) from the bigger, more threatening issues his children may be facing.

The nit-picking arguments are just not worth fighting over. There is going to be frustration and hurt feelings whenever parents and their kids disagree, but it is best to save that energy for what issues really matter.

“If this is about shoes, let’s get her some shoes. It’s not a battle,” says professional voice actor, Dave Courvoisier, father of three young ladies that are doing their best in a world that seems to pose more challenges for young people than has been the case for past generations.

“There are some issues that are more important than others and you’ve got to say “yes” once in a while. Everybody would like a win in their life (kids included), and I think it’s important for parents to lose some battles.”

He and his wife, Victoria, try to get around saying “no” too much by giving their daughters choices, allowing them two or three alternatives that their parents can say “yes” to.

But when it comes to setting boundaries as a father, “I take a little bit more objective, a little more direct approach,” he says. Lacking charged emotion, he will engage his daughters in discussion, “As I would when I make a business decision, and sometimes that works,” however, when emotions are running too strong for his girls, now 20, and 17 and 15 years old, Courvoisier says that he honors those matters of the heart that cannot be broken down using that approach.

He admits that he is willing to give in quite a bit, but when it comes down to it his children are looking for guidance to make a decision, “And they’re thankful that I’m being a parent. They respect that guidance.”

Like many fathers who work full-time outside the home, there are days when Courvoisier walks in on an ongoing dispute between one of the kids and his wife, “Sometimes my wife has been around and around the block with one of my daughters,” he says, “And when I get home my wife says, “Okay, I’m done. You take over.” And if I have to dive right into handling an issue, I don’t mind doing that. It’s part of being a father.” – a job he has wanted more than any other.

Grace, Madeleine and Ellory Courvoisier

“So, when I come home, I want that relationship. I want to experience the fullness of it. My wife appreciates the fact that there is someone else that can maybe come at this with a different standpoint. Her concern is whether I agree with her on it, because she will want me to talk to her daughter.”

If he and his wife disagree, “We’ve at least agreed to not discuss disagreeing in front of the kids. It behooves us to agree, to work out our differences first, find a common ground and then go to the child and say “here’s what we propose…””

And if a child is being defiant? “She’s finding her individuality,” he explains, “As long as she is under our roof, she has to live by our rules, but within that we have got to give her the room to grow.”

It is not easy for men to reason with their teenagers, “I think men in general are challenged verbally, and many dads reach a point where they’ve been backed into a corner verbally, where they may resort to physical action or a threat of physical action,” but, he says, “I’m the template for my daughters, for who they are going to look for in a husband and I can’t allow physical abuse to be part of that equation.”

When he will no longer negotiate, he is able to give his kids “the look. That parent look,” he says, with a chuckle.

What is the one thing he wants his daughters to learn when he must enforce a rule or decision? “If no other message has ever gotten through, they’ve understood I love them. They’re going to try stupid things. It’s like the Bible says, if you bring your child up in a Godly way, they will came back to you. That’s my guiding light: love, love, love, and if for no other reason, they’ll obey for that reason.”

“I determined when I was a father, I was going to be demonstrative and be very verbal about my love for my kids, and I think it’s really been a good thing. I think my girls need to hear that and be shown that,” Courvoisier says, “And that I am there to protect them until someone is in their life. I want them to know “You’re lovely, you’re beautiful, you’re loved, and you’ll always hear that from me.”

Gangs of New York

Rated: R
Length: 248 minutes
Director: Martin Scorsese

Cast:Leonardo DiCaprio, Daniel Day-Lewis, Cameron Diaz, Jim Broadbent, John C. Reilly, Henry Thomas, Brendan Gleeson, Liam Neeson, Roger Ashton-Griffiths, Barbara Bouchet, Liam Carney, Gary McCormack, Cara Seymour, Massimo Vanni, Pete Postlethwaite & More.

I don’t think that I could love this movie more. It’s definitely in my top 10 favorite films…if not in my top 5. There are so many things that I love about this film. I love its darkness. I love how filthy it is. I love the dialogue. I love the dialects. I love the ideologies. I love the nobility within the villainy.

I am in awe of Daniel Day-Lewis every time I watch this movie. Daniel Day-Lewis is unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. He is another man. He is the measure and the mark. The fact that Daniel Day-Lewis didn’t win for Best Actor was a joke. The fact that the film was nominated for 10 flipping Academy Awards and didn’t win ANY just blew me away. It was all political and it made me lose even more faith in the system.

I am so thankful for Scorsese’s tenacity and dedication to this project. He faced so much adversity and trial. I love that he was able to overcome it and deliver this to us.

I’ll be honest with you; the first time I saw this movie, I was iffy on it. I loved the use of historical slang and the acting, but I didn’t quite get all the way into it. As a writer, it impressed the Hell out of me though, so I knew I had to see it again. Each time that I watch it, I love it more. It’s spectacularly large story which, as it unfolds, reveals how terribly small it truly is. It’s just amazing. I love it.

“I advise couples to discuss time constraints and to accept the fact that it is just fine for items and issues to receive attention outside their own preferred time frame,” Dr. Lazarus writes, “If the interval begins to lag beyond what seems fair and fitting, the use of contingency contracts might be well considered.”

Dr. Lazarus goes on to describe a couple whose air conditioning units are inefficient and noisy. The wife wants central air conditioning installed, but the husband thinks the expense was too much. “These minor points of disagreement can wreak havoc on a marriage,” writes Dr. Lazarus, stating that “Resentments mount on both sides and can often begin to unravel a relationship.”

His advice? Couples should work in tandem to avoid power struggles, to avoid making unfair demands, and to agree to help each other promptly with tasks, chores and other household responsibilities – pleasantly, “The entire transaction gets soured when you do good deeds for your spouse begrudgingly.”

Here is a sampling of the other marital myths revisited this book by Dr. Lazarus:

• Marriage should be a 50-50 Partnership
• A Happy Marriage Requires Total Trust
• Good Spouses Should Make their Partners Happy
• An Unhappy Marriage is Better than a Broken Home
• Don’t Have Sex When You’re Angry
• Be Satisfied with What You Got